


Continent's Cup

by jaskiersvalley (connorssock)



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roller Derby, Blood and Injury, Injury, M/M, Multi, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28196283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/connorssock/pseuds/jaskiersvalley
Summary: Eist and Calanthe provide a live commentary through the semi-finals and finals of the Continent's Cup for roller derby. It comes with a few surprising twists, considerable amounts of drama and more romance than a whole bookshop dedicated to the genre.
Relationships: Aiden/Cahir Mawr Dyffryn aep Ceallach/Eskel/Lambert, Aiden/Eskel (The Witcher), Aiden/Eskel/Lambert (The Witcher), Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Calanthe Fiona Riannon/Eist Tuirseach, Eskel/Lambert (The Witcher), Gaetan/Letho z Gulety | Letho of Gulet, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38
Collections: Bounce A Coin Bingo





	Continent's Cup

**Author's Note:**

> A loose interpretation of the square Texting/IM fic for the Bounce A Coin server's Bingo.

September 29, 19:00 - Cats vs Wolves, Semi-finals

Welcome! Welcome! Hello to our lovely listeners and readers of our transcript. I’m Eist, here with my beautiful and all knowing co-host Calanthe.

_ We’re here to talk roller derby, not flirt poorly. _

It would only be flirting poorly if I was poor. But your company makes me the richest man on earth.

_ [Audible scoff from Calanthe.] _

That aside, we’re here to witness the semi-finals of this year’s roller derby championship with a cracking pair of teams. This year Stygga’s Cats have had an update to their uniform which is more to say that they’re wearing even less than last year if that’s even possible.

_ This is a roller derby, not a strip club. I don’t think they got the memo. _

I happen to think they look mighty fine, if a little sparkly. Guess it’s easy to distinguish them from the Kaer Morhen Wolves though.

_ The Wolves have had a tumultuous year, finding a new jammer who looks more like he belongs in theatre than track. He’s not warming up, he is dancing. _

And rather attractively too, if I may say. But what’s this? Cat’s pivot Aiden is starting the trash talking rather early. He’s leaning over the barrier to the Wolves’ box and-

_ He’s flirting. That’s what real flirting looks like Eist. Watch and learn. _

It seems that Aiden’s technique is indeed working because the Wolves’ most stoic blocker, Eskel is blushing more red than his trademark t-shirt. Yet none of the other Wolves seem to be interfering. This is painful to see.

_ Here comes Lambert - the Wolves’ pivot, he won’t stand for someone flirting with his boyfriend. There’s been no news about whether they’re married yet but rumours are that they’re close to setting a date. _

Or not if our eyes are to be believe! Dear listeners and readers, I am here, on record, to say that Lambert has just silenced Aiden with a kiss! Tongue and all before turning him away from the box with a pat on the backside.

_ And Eskel has joined the fray. Maybe a fight will break out before the first match of the championships. Though Eskel has never been one to start a fight, he’s been known to finish them. _

I’m on the edge of my seat! Eskel has casually skated after Aiden and snagged him by the wrist! The wedding is off! Eskel has just kissed Aiden too! This is a very new development. Wait- wait. They’re talking. Can anyone hear what they’re saying?

**“No hard feelings, right, Kitten?”**

**“Those** **_come_ ** **later. Winner take all, right?”**

_ I don’t think we need to know just what the winner will take tonight. _

I think we do! Oh look, they’re moving out. Calanthe, why don’t you give us a rundown of who’s who on the teams. You’re our expert after all, I’m just here for the comedic relief.

_ The relief is when you stay quiet. The line-ups are quite standard by the looks of things. The Wolves have their Captain - Geralt, Eskel and Coen (from the now defunct Griffins) as Blockers, Lambert in his usual role of Pivot and Jaskier, their news all singing and dancing Jammer. A solid defence squad with an unknown but energetic offense. Jaskier is new to the scene, very little is known about him from his life before he joined the Wolves at the start of this season. _

Word on the street is that he is a paparazzi darling, adores the fans and is a firm camera hog. No bad thing given how the Wolves had taken the track by storm but are quite the walking social media disasters. Remember the hooha from the time Geralt accidentally tweeted a picture-

_ Nobody needs to remember that. Instead, we should focus on the Cats. They’ve had a bit of a shake-up, their Jammer is Gaetan who is also Captain, Aiden is pivot and their three Blockers are Axel, Cedric and Schrodinger. A standard set up. _

End result: Cats 64 - Wolves 78

October 5, 16:00 - Nilfgaard vs Vipers, Semi-finals

_ This afternoon’s match ought to be an intense one. Vipers rely on their bulk and strength while Nilfgaard are renowned for their tactics and dirty play. The two teams are polar opposites in a way. _

Except for their outfits, they both seem to have a penchant for black though Nilfgaard’s sun emblem is a ray of sunshine on dready black clothes.

_ I hate you. _

Of course you do. But you love that I’m about to tell our listeners and readers that we have a very interesting crowd in tonight. I am honestly stunned by the relationships this sport has. In the crowd we have Gaetan, the Captain of the Cats, he is known to be dating the mountain that is Letho, Captain of the Vipers. Of course Gaetan didn’t come alone, he’s brought Aiden, the team’s Pivot who seems to have roped in his two, now this isn’t confirmed so please don’t take our words as fact, but his two boyfriends, Eskel and Lambert of the Wolves.

_ Do try to talk more about the players involved in tonight’s match. _

Yes dear. On Nilfgaard’s team we have a relatively young Captain - Cahir, he’s known to drive his team ruthlessly and been credited with developing the signalling system Nilfgaard uses to rapidly change formations. Their game is mostly silent, no shouting. Though Bonhart is quite the grunter. Makes you wonder whether-

_ To make this more relevant to the game rather than a gossip and romance hour, it is worth noting that Letho is the biggest player in the championships. A lot of people talk about Eskel like he’s the biggest but even he is dwarfed by Letho’s truly exceptional mass. It is one of the things that makes Letho such a formidable Blocker. Opponents bounce off him and, despite his bulk, he is rather agile too. _

Careful dear, I might get jealous. I know you were queen of the track until Nilfgaard’s Flame obliterated Cintra’s Lions.

_ We don’t need to bring up the past. I have a deep respect for Nilfgaard on the track. Their tactics, though not the cleanest, do pay off. As we saw when they wiped the floor with the Skellige Dogs. _

Touche my dear. Touche.

End result: Nilfgaard 103 - Vipers 6

October 22, 19:00 - Nilfgaard vs Wolves, Finals

It’s the event you’ve all been waiting for! The finals for the Continent’s Cup. We’ve seen some amazing plays along the way, waved goodbye to some truly terrific teams. Let us remember the highlights like the Cats’ new outfits and Letho’s biceps.

_ As well as moments like the incredible bridging from the Cats, the Viper’s classic Walling Up which did give Nilfgaard a bit of trouble before they worked as a pack to split it up. _

It was a marvel to see. Though the Wolves are the ultimate pack, as their name suggests. Interestingly, there have been rumours of a new development in the pack. Namely, the always stoic White Wolf, Geralt has been tamed by none other than the newest Wolf, their very own Jaskier. I’m curious to see whether this newest romance will have any impact on their play.

_ Rather than worry about who is bedding who, we should be looking at the lineup and talking about that. The Wolves have once again gone for their classic, true and tested team. Jaskier has proven to be an adept Jammer. _

More than adept. I’ve never seen someone so literally dance around the track. Not even Filavandrel himself had such poise. It’s a bit of a shame the Nilfgaardians took out the Free Elves. At least they didn’t have to go up against the Dol Blathanna, the last time those two teams clashed, it was a bloodbath.

_ The whistle has blown, the teams are off. Jaskier has snagged Lead Jammer position, the Nilfgaardians do not look pleased. _

This does make an easy opening for the Wolves and yes! There it is! Eskel’s favourite manoeuvre, goating! He’s taken point on the herding, this is beautiful to see. The Wolves are pushing for points here, not satisfied with a small lead.

_ I can’t blame them. Nilfgaard are notoriously difficult to stop if they’re the ones leading the play. The Wolves better get as far ahead as they can. _

There’s Jaskier calling off this jam. A respectable 9 point start isn’t bad. The Wolves are in the lead but there’s everything play for just yet.

_ Indeed, they cannot afford to get cocky. The next jam has started and Jaskier is Lead Jammer again. This has seemed to piss the Nilfgaardians off, Bonhart seems exceptionally vocal about this. I don’t know if our listeners can hear it but his grunting is truly off the charts tonight. _

The Nilfgaardians want to win and they want to win bad. Except Geralt has just whipped Jaskier and that’s a stellar combination for rolling around Nilfgaard’s block. That is surely one for the history books.

_ Play is getting more dirty now, Bonhart has just been sent to the penalty box for 30 seconds for grabbing Eskel in an attempt to, I don’t even know what. _

Sometimes, in the heat of the moment we forget ourselves and our rules. Remember that night when-

_ No. Focus on the match Eist. _

Right. Well, the Wolves are in the lead, Nilfgaard is struggling with one man down for another 20 seconds. Their head coach, Emhyr, is looking rather apoplectic. I would not want to be in the Nilfgaardian changing rooms at half time. It looks like the players are going to get an earful.

_ You’re right. Even if they pull back, this kind of start to a match is an embarrassment to Nilfgaard, Emhyr will probably have a lot to say about their performance. Even if they win. _

The match is moving on, Bonhart is back in play. Wow, that was quite the leap from Jaskier, sailing over out of bounds to land inbound and cut a corner. The crowd is cheering wildly. This is truly spectacular.

_ Both teams are bringing their best to the finals it seems. Very dynamic play, cohesive, especially from the Wolves. _

At half time the Wolves are up 36 to Nilfgaard’s trailing 13. An unlucky number for some, we’ll have to see what Nilfgaard brings to the second half.

_ Welcome back, the second half is about the being. Things look tense on the track, Nilfgaard’s team have definitely not had a relaxing break. _

Not at all. Strong words were had by the sounds of things. It wasn’t so much of a strategy discussion as a berating. But Vilgefortz is now out front as Lead Jammer so maybe a good old fashioned bollocking was exactly what Nilfgaard needed.

_ They’re out front Cahir has a good position, now would be a good time to pass the panties. _

That never ceases to make me snicker. You’re right though, that’s exactly what’s happening, Vilgefortz has passed the star, Cahir is in a position to make a good run here.

_ Oh fuck! _

Holy shit! Bonhart has just elbowed Geralt in the face. That was absolutely uncalled for, Geralt’s on the ground!

_ Play has been halted, the team medic, Yennefer, is hurrying onto the track even as Geralt is wiping the blood on the back of his hands and trying to get up. The teams are congregating, this could get ugly, especially given Lambert’s well known temper. _

Bonhart is spoiling for a fight. There’s Cahir coming in, the Captain should hopefully get his player under control. I doubt he can get the referee to be lenient in the face of such an outright attack.

_ This could mean a several match ban for Bonhart. He’s now arguing with Cahir who is standing between Bonhart and Geralt, going toe to toe with his own teammate. This does not look good for Nilf- _

Bonhart has just delivered a swift right hook and Cahir’s stumbled into Eskel! This kind of violence has not been seen on the track since the Ban Aard stroming!

_ No amount of whistleblowing is going to help with this, ref! _

[Sound of a scream in the background and Eist retching.]

_ When things couldn’t get any worse, Bonhart has stomped on Cahir’s leg. That knee is bending in directions no knee should. Emhyr is getting involved at long last, Fringilla is hot on his heel. Nilfgaard had just lost their Captain for the next season probably and Bonhart will likely face a disciplinary. _

This is just horrific. Listeners, readers, be very glad you can’t see this. It’s a sad day for our beloved sport. Wait! Emhyr is standing and speaking to Cahir. Can we hear what he’s saying?

**“-shameful performance. Can’t keep your team in check and turn on them when you should be defending them no matter what. That’s not the Nilfgaard way. You’re out.”**

Listeners and readers, you’ve heard it first with us. Nilfgaard has just dropped Cahir. Emhyr is walking away, summoning Fringilla to follow. After looking between her boss and her friend, Fringilla has followed Emhyr. The team medic has chosen her job over her friend.

_ It’s not a good day to be Cahir, that’s for sure. The rest of the Nilfgaardian team are following Emhyr, the match has been cancelled. The Wolves’ head coach, Vesemir is on the track now. And, unexpectedly, Aiden is hot on his heels. This is an unexpected twist of events. _

The enemy is rallying around Cahir! Where Nilfgaard has deserted him, the Wolves are stepping in now. Lambert and Eskel are lifting Cahir, where’s a stretcher when they need one?

_ Shani and Triss are on their way with it. Do my eyes deceive me? Is Aiden holding Cahir’s hand?! _

Today is a day of revelations and realisations. It seems that the romance between Lambert and Eskel does not only extend to Aiden but Cahir too. This was not something anyone could have seen coming. Is this the ultimate betrayal of Nilfgaard?

_ I think Nilfgaard betrayed Cahir first. Don’t expect to see Bonhart on the tracks any time soon after such a blatant and uncalled for assault. I can only hope Cahir takes this up with the police. _

Indeed. We wish him all the best for his recovery. You never know, we may even see him in a Wolf uniform eventually. We’ll leave him in the tender loving care of his assumed boyfriends. Geralt is being doted on by Jaskier and Vesemir is talking to the referees. This has been a tremendously dramatic final but I do hope next year’s is a little more traditional.

_ We shall bid you goodbye, listeners and readers. The match is off, the Wolves have won by default. Nilfgaard may well face a season’s ban though their reputation may have just taken enough of a knock that they’ll dwindle and wilt out naturally. No team should condone assault, especially not on one of their own. To then leave drop them and walk away is beyond cruel. _

On that note, it has been our absolute honour and pleasure to bring you this commentary on the Continent’s Cup and share the dramatic finale with you. But we now have our own lives to get on with. I believe Calanthe has an anniversary dinner to get to.

_ So do you. _

I do indeed. How long has it been now? Five years?

_ Four. The first year doesn’t count. You were flirting with The Queen and not Calanthe. _

Five happy years it is. Maybe tonight you’ll finally accept yourself a Consort. Check you champagne before you drink it, my queen.

_ Don’t you dare. We will talk about this in private. But for now, listeners and readers, we will end this broadcast and wish you a pleasant evening. _

End result: Nilfgaard disqualified, Wolves victorious by default

**Author's Note:**

> More short stories can be found on tumblr @jaskiersvalley


End file.
